{inbetween}

Floating through the inbetween
these final holy moments of you swimming within me…
in the fluidity and simplicity of your world
warm and wet, dark and humming the vibration of my body.. of blood flowing through my veins and whooshing around you in lullaby.
my heart beating at your goddess feet,
my pelvis your holy crown.

These tender days, where I have to remember to be still. be calm. just be..
to honour and cherish this connection we have – how we will never ever again be in this moment.
how you will never ever again be tucked safely within my body.
how i will never ever again feel your knee pressed from within to my right side, your foot shoved into my rib..
how i will never ever again feel the tickle of your fingers, how your hiccups move through me.
every moment of you within, in these last days.. weeks..  they are coming to an end.
even on days when it feels like that’s impossible – that somehow i could probably be the one woman on the earth to stay pregnant forever.

The feeling every emotion throughout the day
not ready… so ready.
so eager to meet you..to gaze into your eyes
to have you safely here in my arms.
to tuck you into bed next to me and begin our next transition..
and not ready for that at all.. knowing how fast and fleeting your infancy will be.
unknowing how your birth will unfold. where it will be.. how you will tell your story.
knowing i will never be able to birth you again – that this is IT. this is our dance.. this is our thing.. this is you and me.

The water has been hot for a week.
I’m not even at 42 weeks yet, and somehow I begin to grow impatient…
I’m not even at 41 weeks yet, and somehow I begin to fret that what if this time I do go past 42 weeks again..
I’m not even there yet, and I’m starting to wonder if I should begin doing *something*
While altogether knowing intimately that nothing is going to do anything until you have decided it’s time.

trust.. release. surrender.
suspense. exhaustion. unknowing.
beauty. BEing. a gift..

you are so wise, little one…
this is how you create a mother.
this is how she finds the tools she needs to birth and mother you.
this inbetween.
this impatience and finding a way through it – of surrendering and simply being in the here.. in the now.. of not rushing forward too far
of not planning it all out, because plans never work.
of not being in control, because we never are.
we have to simply learn to be…
to listen…

you are my greatest teacher.
I have so much to learn.

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