polaroid in time

sitting here
feels like a pivotal moment.
one that will remain in my minds eye
the same one, years ago.. sat on the hardwood floor, crying in a white skirt..
and i sit here now..
on red carpet.
in a dress that feels too small
in flesh that feels too big
too soft
where my skin feels old and my tears are welled inside of me
given space to fall, and they fall.. and quickly recede
as baby crawls on over, clawing at my skin. clawing at my breasts.
and i welcome her…
and i wonder what i’m on the edge of
what is this moment, flashing in my mind – telling me to pay attention about to lead me in to?
is this the year i lose something. someone. big. and life altering.
here.. in my guilt and gratitude.
is this my clarity before a cloud of depression descends?
who am i becoming..
what do i need to know..