softer now

There’s a softness about my face right now
that I’m only just beginning to recognize
one that I only just saw, after a photo.. and felt softness melt within me for her.

there is age on my skin.
wisdom in my eyes
silver sprouting in my hairline.

all this space I am taking up
all these stories I am carrying
all this baby and her infinite wisdom that I am growing within.
one that I will soon unfold to.
unfurl into the softness…

I am softer. bigger. wiser. unknowing.
I am accepting. releasing. understanding. free flowing..
I am beginning to understand, yet again – this process.
Of how I come into this space of unrecognizing. of self doubt. self loath. self criticize.
So I can tangle in the roots and marry the soil, merge with the earth and be reborn with her again –
discovering and falling in love with myself as a newborn all over again.
The delight in falling in love with every bit of perfection of her – and recognizing how my mama once held me in the same light.

And so with softer eyes, I look at my reflection.
With softer words, I bow to and bend.
With softer understanding and kindness, I move forward.

I am softer now..
and there is beauty in that reason.
I am bigger now..
and there is bounty in that reason.
I am being reborn.. over and over again
I am womb space. earth space. star stuff. milkyway.
I am universal and wholly unique.

Softer now.

* * * * * *

she is young still.
only 28 spins around the sun.
freckled and fresh faced.
hay fevered and exhausted.
heavy bodied and tired.
softer flesh and taking up more space.
she is wiser still.
grey hairs that came with loss.
of heartache and knowing that he won’t always be around.
of tears and burning throat.
distance and chin up.
she is softer and harder
finding ways and rhythm with permissions and boundaries.
finding voice
finding the moments of come-undone, not knowing what the fuck she’s doing.
confident in the knowledge that this is part of it all.